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The Courier And Their Eating Habits
- By Norman Dulwich
- Published 30 January 2012
- Automotive
- Unrated
People often talk about the eating habits of many species of the world but those of the courier are less widely discussed. That’s not entirely fair because they, in fact, have feeding practices that are unique to their species.
La cuisine du centre
Of course, not all members of the species are the same. There’s a great feeding divide between those that work in city-centre courier businesses (typically motorcycles, bicycles, scooters and some vans), and the rural variety of courier that typically travels great distances in the day (vans, some bikers, large trucks
and wagons etc).
Those that work in and around the great metropolitan centres are theoretically
great connoisseurs of city centre cuisines, but in practice, they usually divide down into two sub-species in culinary terms: the Street-creders and the minimalists. The street-creders are those that always know where that great back-street deli or sandwich shop is. They can sniff out that new take-away that’s offering the great deal on hummus or special bottled water from Croatia from a mile away. These are quite often closet health food types (though they may not admit it) and they’ll be prepared to cycle or ride a long way out of their way to get the more unusual treats - such as Hungarian goulash in sachets or those genuine made-in-Spain and frozen-in-France ‘Thai’ fishcakes. Some are slightly ashamed of their practices and may simply say “just off for a pie” when, in reality, they’re just sneaking off for a furtive Tibetan salad. Some serious students of courier cuisine and eating habits maintain that there’s a correlation between the use of Spandex shorts and sunglasses and this type of behaviour. This is unproven and remains controversial.
By contrast, the behaviours of the minimalist are quite different. There, the over-arching factors are time and location. Time applies because the behaviours are very ingrained and mean that everything will stop at 12.30 (or whatever the defined time is) for lunch. The location relates to the fact that the courier vehicle, whether with two or four wheels, will be stopped wherever it happens to be at the time. The minimalist will then perform a 360-degree scan of the horizon to try and spot a food outlet of just about any description. If several are in range, typically the closest one will be rapidly pillaged for food irrespective of its nature. If none are in sight (that includes garages selling odd packets of ‘stuff’) then panic has sometimes been seen to set in. Only very rarely will the minimalist drive on further or walk around to find food or different options. Oh yes, they get their name from the amount of effort they enjoy putting in to searching for their food.
La cuisine rurale
The characteristics of the rural (old name: long-distance) courier are different again. Away from the great urban areas, food pickings may be slim indeed. In fact, when frequenting some rural B roads, food may be hard to find at all and although it’s never been witnessed, some reports suggest these poor creatures have been seen picking and eating raw potatoes out of the fields they pass. Those that are able to migrate along the motorways may have more plentiful food supplies available, but the choice is often poor and they may be reduced to living on a diet largely consisting of sausages, beans and the much-feared ‘special of the day’. Of course, evolution has played a part and some of this species sub-type have been observed to have developed various forms of bags and boxes into which food is placed from their nest of origin. This is then consumed at the appointed hour offering at least a partial independence from the motorway service station.
The future
The good news is that all members of the different types of courier species are prospering and seemingly surviving well. A full range of in-depth statistical analyses of the eating habits of the courier is available upon request – for anyone sad enough to want to know more.
La cuisine du centre
Of course, not all members of the species are the same. There’s a great feeding divide between those that work in city-centre courier businesses (typically motorcycles, bicycles, scooters and some vans), and the rural variety of courier that typically travels great distances in the day (vans, some bikers, large trucks
and wagons etc).
Those that work in and around the great metropolitan centres are theoretically
great connoisseurs of city centre cuisines, but in practice, they usually divide down into two sub-species in culinary terms: the Street-creders and the minimalists. The street-creders are those that always know where that great back-street deli or sandwich shop is. They can sniff out that new take-away that’s offering the great deal on hummus or special bottled water from Croatia from a mile away. These are quite often closet health food types (though they may not admit it) and they’ll be prepared to cycle or ride a long way out of their way to get the more unusual treats - such as Hungarian goulash in sachets or those genuine made-in-Spain and frozen-in-France ‘Thai’ fishcakes. Some are slightly ashamed of their practices and may simply say “just off for a pie” when, in reality, they’re just sneaking off for a furtive Tibetan salad. Some serious students of courier cuisine and eating habits maintain that there’s a correlation between the use of Spandex shorts and sunglasses and this type of behaviour. This is unproven and remains controversial.
By contrast, the behaviours of the minimalist are quite different. There, the over-arching factors are time and location. Time applies because the behaviours are very ingrained and mean that everything will stop at 12.30 (or whatever the defined time is) for lunch. The location relates to the fact that the courier vehicle, whether with two or four wheels, will be stopped wherever it happens to be at the time. The minimalist will then perform a 360-degree scan of the horizon to try and spot a food outlet of just about any description. If several are in range, typically the closest one will be rapidly pillaged for food irrespective of its nature. If none are in sight (that includes garages selling odd packets of ‘stuff’) then panic has sometimes been seen to set in. Only very rarely will the minimalist drive on further or walk around to find food or different options. Oh yes, they get their name from the amount of effort they enjoy putting in to searching for their food.
La cuisine rurale
The characteristics of the rural (old name: long-distance) courier are different again. Away from the great urban areas, food pickings may be slim indeed. In fact, when frequenting some rural B roads, food may be hard to find at all and although it’s never been witnessed, some reports suggest these poor creatures have been seen picking and eating raw potatoes out of the fields they pass. Those that are able to migrate along the motorways may have more plentiful food supplies available, but the choice is often poor and they may be reduced to living on a diet largely consisting of sausages, beans and the much-feared ‘special of the day’. Of course, evolution has played a part and some of this species sub-type have been observed to have developed various forms of bags and boxes into which food is placed from their nest of origin. This is then consumed at the appointed hour offering at least a partial independence from the motorway service station.
The future
The good news is that all members of the different types of courier species are prospering and seemingly surviving well. A full range of in-depth statistical analyses of the eating habits of the courier is available upon request – for anyone sad enough to want to know more.
Norman Dulwich
Norman Dulwich is a correspondent for Courier Exchange, the world's largest neutral trading hub for the same day courier and express freight exchange industry. Over 2,500 transport exchange businesses are networked together through their website, trading courier jobs and capacity in a safe 'wholesale' environment.
View all articles by Norman Dulwich